Which one of these looks more like the Sports Personality of the Year to you? OK, probably neither. In a conventional, sane world, Nicole Cooke or Monty Panesar would be shoo-ins for their achievements and entertainment. Proper sports, proper accomplishments on and off the field or track. But in this celebrity-obsessed world, it’s being suggested that comedian David Walliams should get’s this year’s BBC-organised gong, for his – admittedly impressive – feat of swimming the Channel for charity. That’s not a sport. It’s an achievement …but it’s not a sport. If we’re going to open it up to achievements which are vaguely related to real sports, then forget David Walliams; it’s the RAF’s Andy Green for me. The driver of the world land speed record holding car has now driven the JCB-powered JCB Dieselmax to the diesel land speed record, and I’m going to suggest that not only is land speed record breaking as close to a proper sport (motor racing) as cross-Channel swimming is to one, but that Green’s feat was even more impressive than Walliams’. And anyway, have you watched Andy Green being interviewed? Now there’s an old-school hero.